Ok, so after 1 weekend, a busy week in work, a long weekend away in Melbourne and starting a new hobby (which I’ll talk about) I find I haven’t updates the blog for well over 10 days. How did this happen?

To be honest, I expected to fall off the wagon a bit. Despite the lack of posts recently I have been meditating pretty consistently which is a plus.

Did I meditate every day? Kinda – I did 20 mins some days, 10 mins on others but usually did something each day. As it stands I’m on a 33 day streak on Headspace and up to day 22 on Waking Up. A rough guess based on this is I’ve meditated just over 9 hours in total ((55+22) x 10min). Therefore I’ve meditated more this month than I have any other month of my life. I’m a little bit behind on the Waking Up lessons which I’ll try to improve before the month ends. For Headspace I pretty much resorted to doing the bedtime meditation most nights.

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What have I learnt so far? Blogging can be difficult to be consistent and post every day. I found that some days I was posted for the sake of it and looking back some of my blog posts have been pretty empty and crappy. I think going forward I should aim to give less regular but more detailed blog posts.

Am I feeling any better? You know what – it’s been kinda weird. I thought the last time I meditated for a period of time (around a month straight) my sleep got a lot better. This time round I’ve had some God awful sleeps which has been a bit of a killer. I think one of the problems is getting too stressed out about completely the meditation and blogging about it. I’ve made the whole process very outcome oriented when really I should be focused on making a good habit.

Anyway, I’m nearly finished so will try to blog for the last day or two and then write up a recap.

Waking up Headspace meditation in the morning. I want to keep doing this in the morning as maybe the Sam Harris one requires a bit more attention

In the evening I did Sam Harris day 11. He talked more about the feeling of consciousness being behind the face. Then he talked about opening the eyes and imagine a candle in front of you. At the end he talked about how he will sometimes put concepts like from the lessons into meditations. He finally reiterated how 10 mins is hugely more beneficial than 0.

Had an early start today as I had to go to the physio in the morning. Didn’t get a lunch time meditation in either.

First meditation was Sam Harris’s Waking Up day 10. Instead of the usual 10 mins, we are now up to 12 mins. Will be interesting to see how long they end up as there are some special 30, 45 and 60 min meditation on the app. I’m OK around the 10 min mark but the thought of a 60 min meditation is a bit daunting. The meditation itself was pretty standard. He talked about the feeling of consciousness being behind the face which is certainly how I feel about it. At the end of the meditation, he pointed out how it had been 10 days of meditation and then went on to reassure that it takes time to get even competent with meditation (compared it to chess or a new instrument). The below quote is something really interesting he says at the end of the session. He really doesn’t hold back when describing how powerful meditation can be:

“…in the end you’re really not doing anything when you meditate, it’s not something you are adding to your experience, you are actually doing less than you normally do. You are simply no longer being distracted while everything is arising on its own. The level of psychological relief you can experience as a result of that is hard to exaggerate, it is the antidote to almost everything that ails us in terms of our psychological suffering and our reactivity, our anger, our embarrassment, our worry, it is a kind of universal solvent this practice”.

Sam Harris, Waking Up Meditation 10

At the end of the day I did the everyday Headspace. I kinda feel I’m cheating a little bit by doing this but it helped me hit a 10 day run streak.

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Didn’t manage to get a morning meditation in but decided to do a lunchtime meditation. I went for a walk near the quay and sat in the sun to continue the Headspace acceptance pack. Again it continued on resistance talk. I can’t really remember much more about it.

Turned out that later in the day someone from work seen me and jokingly asked if I was feeling more “Zen.” I thought this might be more embarrassing but I made a joke of it and didn’t really care. Classic catastrophizing from me.

Before bed I did the Headspace frustration meditation. This is a good one to end on and would be good to pull out when I’m feeling especially frustrated or angst. He talked about being able to let go of things which I’m certainly guilty of not being able to do

Another terrible night’s sleep for some reason. Couldn’t really sleep and woke up super tired. Tempted to go back to bed for another 30 mins but managed to resist.

Started off with Headspace instead of Waking Up. Although I think the Headspace single meditation for this is also called Waking Up (see below). This is a pretty good meditation for kicking the day off although I think there is a bug in setting how long to meditate for. I selected 10 mins but I’m pretty sure it only did 3 mins. I’ll watch out for this next time (or maybe I’m getting so good at meditation time is no longer an object….)

I managed to do the Sam Harris Waking Up meditation when I came back from work about 6pm. In this meditation, it highlighted the technique of either counting the in and out breath or labeling it (“In” then “Out”). I found it useful to do the counting and going back to 0 every time I lost my train of thought. He then talks a bit about consciousness and the self. This is something I feel I need to delve into a bit deeper and get a better understanding off before I make full use of it.

Later in the day (around 10pm) I did 2 more meditations from Headspace. The first being the daily meditation which was titled “Acceptance vs Resistance.” This talked about reacting to things not turning out as we feel they should. This is a big problem in my life and made me think of the following quote:

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. 

The second meditation was Acceptance pack day 4. One of the big parts that stuck out for me was when he asked “who or what I was resisting” then following up by about a minutes of silence. I think this is something I need to think about deeply and make a decision on.

• I am grateful for…
  • Health
  • Working in a great city
  • Cooler weather
• What would make today great?
  • Laugh at something
  • Sort out physio
• Daily affirmation, I am…
  • going to beat depression
• 3 amazing things that happened today…
  • Sorted out physio for my back
  • Didn’t spend any money on food
  • Pick up some Viz annual from the post office
• How could I have made today better?
  • Walked to work or getting more sunlight

Well, as it’s a Monday I thought it would be good to get back into some routine and I’d be able to write some more detailed blog posts…….. cue the worse night/start to the day ever. Tried to sleep but had pretty bad anxiety probably from drinking on Saturday night. After failing to sleep I took out my earplug (I’ve gotten used to sleeping with these) to listen to a YouTube video (Bill Burr I think). Low and behold I hear a little motherfucking mosquito buzzing in my ear. After turning on all the lights and trying to find the little fuckwit I sprayed some Raid and went to sleep. I woke up thinking my alarm was about to go off to the shocking realisation that it was 10.06am. Fuck. Rushed into work and all was good.

Due to my terrible start to the day, I didn’t get my first meditation until I came home from work (about 6pm) I continued with Sam Harris meditation (Day 8). I also listened to the lesson titled “Mental Training.” He spends this talking about the benefits of training the mind and relating it to training the body. Some of the interesting points he brings up:

• How you can train body and everyone accepts this as being normal. Why should training the mind be any different?
• Talks about smoking doctors in the 1940s. People used to think smoking was healthy and there were adverts on which doctors smoked which brand. An entire generation can miss out on something useful. Maybe with our generation, it is meditation.
• He talked about when you get angry, you lock yourself in the prison of the emotion. What is the point of this? What mark can you make with this? With meditation you can learn to let this go easier.
• The war on attention. This really stuck with me because I’m pretty sure I have a digital addiction (Facebook, YouTube, Reddit, porn) He asked when the last time you read a book for an hour without checking email? For me – a very very long time ago.

Right before bed I did the winding down meditation from Headspace. Decided against doing the acceptance one because it was so late. Nothing special to report on this.

• I am grateful for…
  • Health
  • Stable job
  • Not in any real debt
• What would make today great?
  • Eat healthy
  • Reply to Dad’s e-mail
  • Be productive in work
• Daily affirmation, I am…
  • a good person who deserves to be happy
• 3 amazing things that happened today…
  • Bit of e-mail chat with Dad
  • Ate a healthy dinner
  • Survived the day despite the terrible sleep
• How could I have made today better?
  • Exercise
  • Did a bit more work
  • Went for a walk

Again the weekend seems to be messing up my routine and I ended up doing the Waking Up meditation late at night (after 10.30pm). One thing that stood out was when Sam talked at the end about how I might not be feeling like I am getting better but as we continue and refine things will get easier. This definitely stood out as the effects of meditation aren’t super obvious to begin with for me. I kinda expected that they would be much more subtle and gradual.

Because it was so late I did the Headspace meditation about 30 mins after. I did a sleep meditation instead of the Acceptance pack. Again, because I was so knackered I can’t really remember much about this.

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This Saturday, I did the Waking Up meditation a lot later in the day (about 2pm) and then did my Headspace about 2 hours later, so probably the shortest time so far between meditations.

I can’t really recall much about these meditations as I am updating the blog a few days after I did the meditation. Normally this would annoy me but the important thing is I did the meditation and will probably have days like this during the month-long challenge.

In order to mix things up I skipped the morning meditation with a view to do my first meditation during lunch at work. This was based on a few things:

• What Sam Harris mentioned about being able to meditate with distractions
• Because I wanted to watch Man City vs Liverpool in the morning

I was a bit worried about someone from work seeing me and looking weird sitting in a public space with my eyes closed and noise cancelling headphones on. This is something I feel I need to get over. Funnily enough, I managed to walk into some friends (from Sydney and back home in Ireland) who were waiting to go to Manly. Typical. I had a bit of a chat, walked to the other side of the pier and did my meditation in the sun.\

Also, I decided to do the Day 5 meditation again because for some reason it didn’t have the tick against it on the app and this would have annoyed me (something else I probably need to get over).

The part he finished up with was interesting:

To recognise how consciousness is, prior to thinking, or reacting, or trying to change your experience in any way at all, can be the most important thing you ever learn to do. It is the most important thing I’ve ever learned in my life. And there really is only a choice between noticing what is arising in each moment, in your mind, and not noticing it. And to not notice is to be merely lived by these thoughts and intentions and moods and assumptions. And this in turn determines your behaviour in the world and the goals to which you aspire, and the quality of your relationships. Your mind not only affects your life, but those of everyone around you. Each of us affects many more people than we realise.

Sam Harris, Waking Up app – Meditation Day 5

Is meditation really that powerful and have such a big impact on someone’s life?

In a weird twist of fate when I sat down on the train after work to do my Headspace meditation it was stuck on Day 2 instead of Day 3. It appears I’m stuck in some sort of meditation Groundhog Day. I added the below quote from the end of the session.

5 Minute Journal:

• I am grateful for…
  • Health
  • Friends
  • The weekend
• What would make today great?
  • Meditate
  • Enjoy lunch
  • Get a decent amount of work done
• Daily affirmation, I am…
  • a good, happy person
• 3 amazing things that happened today…
  • Continued blog
  • Listen to some pump up music
  • Met a new family
• How could I have made today better?
  • ???

Woke up today later than I should have after staying up watching Youtube videos until stupid O’Clock. It’s probably best if I try and write my blog posts earlier and then ditch the computer at least an hour before bedtime (he says as he types this at 11.12pm).

Anyway, started off again with the Waking Up meditation Day 5. This is the last of the free meditation so tomorrow I’ll have to start the subscription. This isn’t too bad as I have money from using the Google Rewards app which gives me Google Play credit that I can use. The meditation went smoothly, one of the points I remember Sam (I’m referring to him as if we’re friends now) talking about trying to meditate for tiny little moments during the day which is interesting and something I will start trying (at work for a few minutes maybe). Also, another point he raised was being able to shut out pain, itches etc when meditating. This makes me think of the Twitter CEO who did a meditation and got bitten to shit from mosquitos. This sounds superhuman to me as I am constantly itching and scratching while meditating. There are also some videos on the app which I need to start watching.

After work, I was feeling a bit rushed right up to doing to Headspace Acceptance meditation. Although I don’t think it is a one stop fix all I can definitely notice myself being calmer during and after meditation. I wouldn’t say it takes me from a 7 or 8 to a 1, but more like takes me down to a 4 maybe. One thing that struck a chord with me was when he asked what I might have been shutting out (not accepting) in my life. Made me think a lot about relationships and opportunities I might be missing out on.

5 Minute Journal:

• I am grateful for…
  • Health
  • Friends
  • Family
• What would make today great?
  • Be productive in work
  • Get some plants for the house
  • Start to sort out next week a bit more
• Daily affirmation, I am…
  • going to be happier in 2019
• 3 amazing things that happened today…
  • Sunny weather
  • Got some questions confirmed in work
  • Great sandwich
• How could I have made today better?
  • Eat healthier
  • Exercise
  • Contacted parents